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Oct. 6th, 2006 @ 10:24 am war
Current Mood: exanimateexanimate
The art of procrastination... i know i can always finish what i need to finish anytime... really i should finish consolidating the acitivities for October but i don't feel the urgency.

i don't have the urgency about life in general, i am a dandelion.. wisps of cotton... blown by the wind.. bobbing up and down...

i have reached the plateau of non-thirst non-hunger non-feelings... i want to be shaken up by a meteor crash... be hungry for life again...

after all it is a gift.. my heart pumping without me telling it to do so..

i lost myself, a godless person, a slave to lust, a charred drift wood barely recognizable from black abyss..

i don't feel good i dont feel bad i dont feel

if all my feelings died today i believe my mind can pull things through, i could convince everyone im okay and everything, i can be on auto-pilot...

or i can do what Sumire did in Sputnik Sweetheart and split myself into two...

or i could jolt myself to wakefulness..

revel in my insignificance... an ant on an elephant...

still fragmented, broken, i could disappear... it would be interesting to leave this shell of mine and see where i will go... and when i go back to my body will my mind remember where my soul has been?

i watched in national geographic that dreams are a way of emptying the brain of anxious thoughts.. its a wholly brain activity, dreaming is, a way of reviewing past events... it is nice to know God designed my body in such a way it can self cope.

bodies get a fever to fight the virus, even runny noses is a means to expel the dirtied fluids... we sweat so our heated bodies can cool down.. our wounds contract to seal itself and proctect itself..

yes the human body has inherent coping mechanisms.. God is a genius.. as for loneliness and sadness... a heart's coping mechanism takes more than a fever or a sealed scab...

better get back to work now, that's twice my boss looked over my shoulder and mightve seen what my computer monitor says..

im not giving up on life. far from it. im waging a war to get my fire back.
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