what do i feel...
can i just intellectualize? im not good with interveiwing my heart.. but heck, fine, i'll try..
i am happy to be expanding my sphere, i am almost done with my fairy tale book, that is if i quit stalling and searching for her missing blog..
my feelings for her now have somewhat settled. i love her but the need to be "with her" has lessened.. alas this solitary path is leading me towards illumination...
still, i have lapses and miss her severely on some nights on some days on some idle moments...
don't get me wrong, when i see someone beautiful i drink in and appreciate.. the thing is i'm not yet with the part of sharing and letting "potentials" go beneath my surface.
after dating 12 people in a month, i have come to learn that without stimulating conversation i easily float away. yes, there has been profound conversation..
Date #7: What? You're bi? How do you girls actually "do" it?
Me: It is not so much in the "doing" although we do it a lot. It has more to do with feeling.
Date #7: How can you fall for someone your own sex?
Me: Do you choose the person you fall in love with?
Date #7: Yes I do. Love is a mental choice.
Me: I guess if we can't agree on the basic definitions such as "love" then we better not discuss further.
Date #10: WOW. You're bi. Ever thought of doing a threesome?
Me: Definitely. Keanu Reeves, Angelina Jolie, and me.
No one is what they seem from the outside.
I long for our easy conversations, what I used to have. Change can be jarring sometimes. I wish I could talk to her again about anything and everything at all. I guess all along I'm in search of friendships. Even the good friendships need some tune ups.
Still miss her.