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Dec. 12th, 2006 @ 06:09 pm c",)
Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: the 80's!
what do i feel...

can i just intellectualize? im not good with interveiwing my heart.. but heck, fine, i'll try..

i am happy to be expanding my sphere, i am almost done with my fairy tale book, that is if i quit stalling and searching for her missing blog..

my feelings for her now have somewhat settled. i love her but the need to be "with her" has lessened.. alas this solitary path is leading me towards illumination...

still, i have lapses and miss her severely on some nights on some days on some idle moments...

don't get me wrong, when i see someone beautiful i drink in and appreciate.. the thing is i'm not yet with the part of sharing and letting "potentials" go beneath my surface.

after dating 12 people in a month, i have come to learn that without stimulating conversation i easily float away. yes, there has been profound conversation..

Date #7: What? You're bi? How do you girls actually "do" it?

Me: It is not so much in the "doing" although we do it a lot. It has more to do with feeling.

Date #7: How can you fall for someone your own sex?

Me: Do you choose the person you fall in love with?

Date #7: Yes I do. Love is a mental choice.

Me: I guess if we can't agree on the basic definitions such as "love" then we better not discuss further.


Date #10: WOW. You're bi. Ever thought of doing a threesome?

Me: Definitely. Keanu Reeves, Angelina Jolie, and me.


No one is what they seem from the outside.


I long for our easy conversations, what I used to have. Change can be jarring sometimes. I wish I could talk to her again about anything and everything at all. I guess all along I'm in search of friendships. Even the good friendships need some tune ups.

Still miss her.
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